How to Be Human

I am beginning to understand a few principles concerning human relationships. Well, I guess two major principles. The first being, that they are very hard and the second being that they are also very easy. Only after they have been very hard do they ever become very easy. But also I think that maybe after 80 years they can still be pretty hard. There are many different types of relationships but relationships that involve people can typically be the most frustrating and they can also be the most rewarding. Humans are sporadic. Let me clarify.

People are like water and also like stones. They are always shifting and bending against the current of their circumstances, reshaping to fit the contours of life’s flow. It is essential to keep up with the course of the stream. But sometimes they refuse to move at all. Sometimes people are like rocks settled at the bottom of a river and they are not going anywhere for anybody. And what is even more quixotic is that they can be both at the same time. 

So I’ll say it again- relationships are easy and they are hard. I say this because I have been painfully selfish most of my life and selfishness makes relationships hard if not completely impossible. This is because selfish people don’t change unless there is an incentive for them to change, unless there is a chance that they might lose something they deem valuable to their immediate existence or forfeit their comfortable control over the world. My incentive to reevaluate my relationship with God and the rest of world came at a heavy cost. (Or perhaps I had a series of petty fines that I forgot to pay, or refused to pay- that seems more believable and more likely than the sudden debt collector banging on the door).

But it all felt like a sudden banging on the door of my life.

I’ll confess, the process of liberation from the shackles of our own nature is slightly traumatic. Think of it like this: you are in a dark, damp prison huddled feebly in the corner of a dungeon. You have been there so long that you can no longer remember what crime you committed to even become a captive or how long you have been serving your time. You have lost all recollection of light and warmth and human connection save for the sole warden that sits at a desk guarding the door at the end of the hall. The only time that they ever acknowledge you is to slather their slur of negativity across your face and remind you how trapped you are and that you that you will never belong to anyone but them and the prison. Until one day, a flash of light illuminates the jail and the sound of an explosion rivets you from your dreary daze. The door at the end of the hall flies open and Grace walks in, guns blazing. The warden looks up, terror stricken on their face, and for the first time you notice something you hadn’t seen before. The warden is you. Grace walks over, takes out a key and unlocks your bars. “Come out”, He says, “I’m saving you from yourself”.

When you wake up from the nightmare of your own prison of selfishness and narcissism and pride, it can be a little unsettling. But all of this is actually pretty beautiful because now you’re free.

I understand this now.

And since life equals relationships it is important to seek understanding and ironically (and maybe slightly counterintuitive), you need to start with understanding yourself.

But why? Because I think we have to understand where we are, who we are, and most importantly, why we are in relationship to Jesus Christ. He is our compass, the center of all of it. I can always know where I am in relation to Him if I know where He is- safe. I know who I am because He has directed the purpose of my life’s mission in extension from His location and His heart. I know what I am because I have identified Him as the central Creator-Savior of my life- the redeemed creation. And I know why I am because I know who He is, what He is and why He is too. There, we have drawn the borders around the picture and this is where we fill it in, not with our own ambition but with Him. How clear and beautiful the picture can be.

So He is the vine. Everything grows forth from Him and flows from His source. I've made Him everything because He gave everything. I cannot hold back from Him because He never held back from me. And as soon as I make ME the center of my selfish world, I slam the doors shut again and bar myself back in the prison. Because if you are the Lord of your life and you only seek to serve yourself, you will become a slave- a slave to yourself and every fleeting desire and temporal ambition that passes through your head. The only way to truly be free and to ensure your freedom is to make Jesus Christ the center of everything- the prime obsession, the main event. Because even though He is the Master, He is also the Shepherd and even though He is the Father He is also our Friend. He is as much your Lord as He is the Lover of your soul.

I remember when I was the warden and I was the prisoner. I never thought of sacrificing anything for anyone and that's why I would never be free. Even if I could have paid the fine to buy my freedom, I would never have been willing to pay it. Selfish people don't like pain or sacrifice or anything of that sort, even if, in the end, it benefits them in the long run. Selfish people are near-sighted.

And what does this have to do with relationships and them being hard and easy and being selfish and all that anyway? 

Everything. 

Because you cannot freely shake hands with a man whose hands are in chains and you cannot safely commune with a person who wants to enslave you, too. And you certainly won't maintain healthy relationships with anybody if these figures are the same person inside you.

And since the Gospel is about bringing people into a relationship with Jesus Christ, Christ utilizes relationships to bring the Gospel to people. Because life equals relationships and relationships are everything.