Life is so Sweet and God is a Poet

"So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you. (‭John‬ ‭16‬:‭22‬ ESV)"

God is a poet. I say this because as I was driving home tonight I wanted to cry, not because I was overwhelmingly sad but because I was overwhelmingly happy and only poets have the ability to do this. It wasn’t the deceptively temporary “happy” that you might feel when you’re at the highest point of life’s rollercoaster with your hands wildly in the air, plunging into exhilarating freefall. It wasn’t the kind of happy that can be cheaply and artificially induced with syringes of instant gratification or momentary materialism but the kind of satisfaction that takes time to grow like a seed planted deep in the earth that quietly, yet earnestly waits to break forth- like holding your breath under water for a million years and triumphantly reaching the surface to exhale relief.

I had been swimming for so long. I had planted many seeds.

I think of it like this: when you are sick, you are constantly evaluating you’re progress, you incessantly track your recovery, you measure every inch of healing your body makes. But I realized, while I was crossing over a lane, that I was whole. I was healed. And how? Because I had gotten to the place in my journey where I stopped measuring my steps- because I didn’t need to. It had always been such a struggle to march that I marked every inch I advanced ahead. But tonight I had forgotten that I was fighting to move forward and I finally was where I had been pressing to break through. We talk about what might happen when we "will be" but I think I finally was. I was walking, not quite yet running, but my stride was strong.

And it was all very uneventful; no fireworks, no confetti thrown at the end of the finish line, simply the soft hum of the cars passing by me and the warm presence of the Divine. And I am glad. We have grown too accustomed to marching bands and thrill seeking to validate our experiences.

We miss too many sacred moments looking for neon lights and theme park rides. I pray you never miss yours.

I'll wrap this up.

Maybe you are broken and maybe you are sick. Maybe you are looking up at the rippling surface of the ocean and you feel the heaviness of fatigue and the despair of barren fields.

If so, I humbly attempt to pose this dissertation, this hope for you: seeds do grow, seasons change and even whales come up for air.

I was leaving work early. I made cookies that day. The sun had set almost completely into its black and violet folds and the streets were calm like deep rivers.

I think this is called peace. Life is so sweet.

And God is a poet.

A Million Reasons and a Million Ways

You're not going to feel inspired every single day. You won't. Believe me, if you had already found the secret to rendering on demand inspiration (I'm not talking about cable TV) you would have probably already written a New York Times bestselling manifesto and made millions of dollars on frusterated writers and artists. You would have found the immediate elixir for thousands of years worth of aggravating writer's block. People from around the world would hail you as the greatest sage in the history of the creative arts. You would be the Dalai Lamia of creativity. 

But you aren't and no one is- at least not right away.

Because most us who enjoy pursuing our creative passions also work a 9-5 that's a little more mundane, but that's totally honrable and it's ok (just as long as you don't completely hate what you do. If you hate your job or your life you should stop reading this right now and revaluate your decisions because this post isn't for you. I'm talking to people who are mildly satisfied with their current station in life... Any way, back to the point.)

The daily grind isn't always that directly inviting (i.e washing dishes, brushing your teeth, going to work and crunching numbers, budgeting money and paying bills and slaying the occasional dragon...). That's just life and snapping your fingers and expecting effortless inspiration is naive and slightly sad. You're wasting a wealth of potential. 

And I'll tell you why. 

Inspiration is hard work, not magic. Now, it might feel like magic sometimes and that's wonderful but it isn't periwinkle pixie dust that fairies come by to sprinkle you with that mystically blesses your brain with fresh wonder and revelation. If they existed I would have already tried to pin them down and force confessions from their lips. No, inspiration is a lot more tangible than that. It isn't some ephemeral, fleeting, temperamental occurrence. It is so much more closer to you than you think. I promise. It's sitting right beside you (Or in front of you, whichever illustration suits you best). 

Inspiration is rain on a windshield and the clammer of dishes in a sink and the chorus of grinders in a coffee shop. It's a freckle and an eyelash. It's a strange parting glance from a stranger in the aisle of the grocery store that bothers you before you go to sleep at night. It's the morning light in the quiet still. It's all around and it is your job as an artist is to actively search for it and it's really not that hard when it's all around you. That's your part and a lot of people who want to create something often quit too early after realizing this hard truth. They freak out when they realize inspiration and great leads dont arrive in the mystic experiences they imagined. I think people have this misconception about creating something- they get sucked into that image of some tortured artist in tattered clothing pacing over a type writer drinking whiskey from a bottle, murmuring to himself and writing cryptic symbols on the wall. (Well, actually that might be true).

But it's a lot less romantic than people make it out to be. And that's good because that's a lot more accessible than being a suicidal junkie that's writing the next great American novel.  

Inspiration comes to those who are diligent and to those who are persistent- not idealists who wait for it to magically appear. It's hard work but then again, it's really not because all you are required to do is just live and notice your life. Observe and dissect laughter and leaves. Study everything. Feel everything. Ride the wave. You will be inspired, I gauruntee it. Because God created everything in the world to reflect and point back to Him. And that's the beauty of it- He's infinite. Limitless.

We are looking for a million reasons to praise His name and we are searching for His glory in all of creation in a thousand different ways.

So get off the couch and close your latop (or your phone). Notice the details and notice the clouds. When's the last time you intently stared at the clouds, I mean really stared? You should. I'm not saying they talk back, but if you are listening carefully, their Creator just might.

And what would He say?

So go for a walk. Run. I don't care, make something, may anything. Make a cake. Do 500 jumping jacks and go sit in the park and talk to someone. Listen to music while finger painting. I assure you, Inspiration will flutter on your shoulder like a butterfly, and it will never leave as long as you keep inviting it to come. 

How to Be Human

I am beginning to understand a few principles concerning human relationships. Well, I guess two major principles. The first being, that they are very hard and the second being that they are also very easy. Only after they have been very hard do they ever become very easy. But also I think that maybe after 80 years they can still be pretty hard. There are many different types of relationships but relationships that involve people can typically be the most frustrating and they can also be the most rewarding. Humans are sporadic. Let me clarify.

People are like water and also like stones. They are always shifting and bending against the current of their circumstances, reshaping to fit the contours of life’s flow. It is essential to keep up with the course of the stream. But sometimes they refuse to move at all. Sometimes people are like rocks settled at the bottom of a river and they are not going anywhere for anybody. And what is even more quixotic is that they can be both at the same time. 

So I’ll say it again- relationships are easy and they are hard. I say this because I have been painfully selfish most of my life and selfishness makes relationships hard if not completely impossible. This is because selfish people don’t change unless there is an incentive for them to change, unless there is a chance that they might lose something they deem valuable to their immediate existence or forfeit their comfortable control over the world. My incentive to reevaluate my relationship with God and the rest of world came at a heavy cost. (Or perhaps I had a series of petty fines that I forgot to pay, or refused to pay- that seems more believable and more likely than the sudden debt collector banging on the door).

But it all felt like a sudden banging on the door of my life.

I’ll confess, the process of liberation from the shackles of our own nature is slightly traumatic. Think of it like this: you are in a dark, damp prison huddled feebly in the corner of a dungeon. You have been there so long that you can no longer remember what crime you committed to even become a captive or how long you have been serving your time. You have lost all recollection of light and warmth and human connection save for the sole warden that sits at a desk guarding the door at the end of the hall. The only time that they ever acknowledge you is to slather their slur of negativity across your face and remind you how trapped you are and that you that you will never belong to anyone but them and the prison. Until one day, a flash of light illuminates the jail and the sound of an explosion rivets you from your dreary daze. The door at the end of the hall flies open and Grace walks in, guns blazing. The warden looks up, terror stricken on their face, and for the first time you notice something you hadn’t seen before. The warden is you. Grace walks over, takes out a key and unlocks your bars. “Come out”, He says, “I’m saving you from yourself”.

When you wake up from the nightmare of your own prison of selfishness and narcissism and pride, it can be a little unsettling. But all of this is actually pretty beautiful because now you’re free.

I understand this now.

And since life equals relationships it is important to seek understanding and ironically (and maybe slightly counterintuitive), you need to start with understanding yourself.

But why? Because I think we have to understand where we are, who we are, and most importantly, why we are in relationship to Jesus Christ. He is our compass, the center of all of it. I can always know where I am in relation to Him if I know where He is- safe. I know who I am because He has directed the purpose of my life’s mission in extension from His location and His heart. I know what I am because I have identified Him as the central Creator-Savior of my life- the redeemed creation. And I know why I am because I know who He is, what He is and why He is too. There, we have drawn the borders around the picture and this is where we fill it in, not with our own ambition but with Him. How clear and beautiful the picture can be.

So He is the vine. Everything grows forth from Him and flows from His source. I've made Him everything because He gave everything. I cannot hold back from Him because He never held back from me. And as soon as I make ME the center of my selfish world, I slam the doors shut again and bar myself back in the prison. Because if you are the Lord of your life and you only seek to serve yourself, you will become a slave- a slave to yourself and every fleeting desire and temporal ambition that passes through your head. The only way to truly be free and to ensure your freedom is to make Jesus Christ the center of everything- the prime obsession, the main event. Because even though He is the Master, He is also the Shepherd and even though He is the Father He is also our Friend. He is as much your Lord as He is the Lover of your soul.

I remember when I was the warden and I was the prisoner. I never thought of sacrificing anything for anyone and that's why I would never be free. Even if I could have paid the fine to buy my freedom, I would never have been willing to pay it. Selfish people don't like pain or sacrifice or anything of that sort, even if, in the end, it benefits them in the long run. Selfish people are near-sighted.

And what does this have to do with relationships and them being hard and easy and being selfish and all that anyway? 

Everything. 

Because you cannot freely shake hands with a man whose hands are in chains and you cannot safely commune with a person who wants to enslave you, too. And you certainly won't maintain healthy relationships with anybody if these figures are the same person inside you.

And since the Gospel is about bringing people into a relationship with Jesus Christ, Christ utilizes relationships to bring the Gospel to people. Because life equals relationships and relationships are everything.

When Life Gives You Rancid Almond Milk

I woke up this morning 45 min late. Apparently, in my sleep, I had silenced my alarm clock. Twice. Immediately, a sickening feeling washed over me over me that was more than just the panic induced nausea. I stumbled to the fridge and looked at the almond milk I consumed voraciously the night before. It was expired. By two weeks. Guzzling a bitter cup of coffee, I darted downstairs to print off an essay that was due in ten minutes. The printer was out of ink. Perfect. 

I threw on some miscellaneous clothes and ran out to my car. While backing out of my drive way,  I looked down at my shirt- its was stained in the shape of Africa with what appeared to be spaghetti sauce. In tow places. This was wonderful because I had a presentation today. This is what I get for fishing it out if the laundry anyway. 

So I'm speeding down the street with spaghetti sauce on my shirt, burping up rancid almond milk and praying to God I make it to class in time to turn in an essay worth 20 percent of my grade. 

And I have come to this realization.

It's good to plan. Really it is, be proactive. Be detail oriented, expect the unexpected. Preparation will invariably spare you from the heartache of public humiliation and the devastation of marinara sauce and the stress of last minute frenzies. 

But sometimes you wake up on a Wednesday and life is weird. 

And you've got to go with it anyways.